Oh Hey

June huh. That was the last time we spoke. The only way I will keep up on the blog is if I eliminate something else from my life, methinks. Facebook seems to be where I post random pictures and things, but I don’t really ‘say’ anything about them. I might have to give that up and resolve to doing better with the blog because I have no idea what has happened in the past few months. Lots, I’m sure. And probably some good stories in there, and things that would be worth remembering and reflecting back on someday. Heavy sigh.

Last night was a horrible night, Lailah thought it would be good to wake up at 1:30am (I’d only just fallen asleep at 12:30) and didn’t fall back to sleep until sometime around 4:00, with just an hour left until my alarm went off. I’m used to 5-6 hours of sleep, but 2 is just not enough I guess. Needless to say this is probably not the best time for me to try and write, or remember. I can hardly keep my eyes open. But it’s been on my mind and I have a minute.

I can say though, since my last post, she has been sleeping better. This was the first day in a couple weeks that we have had that much trouble throughout the night. She has been pretty good about getting right back to sleep when she wakes up lately. Let’s hope this isn’t another spell of bad nights and just an anomaly. 

The weather is gearing up to turn cold, but thankfully it seems to be holding off a little bit more than usual. Hallelujah. It’s allowed for lots of outside time. We headed to the park and the woods by our house the other day. Came home with treasures and had a good time.

 Lailah recently made this most amazing portrait of me, and I smile everytime I see it. Her art has evolved a lot over the past couple of weeks.

 

And I have even had a chance to work on some art of my own. The Kulture Krash show is coming up on the 25th and this will be one of the pieces available. It's been nice to get the paintbrush moving again. 

 

That's about all I have for now, but hopefully I can work on some more updates in a bit. Hard as last night was, I sure love this little girl.

 

June

Oh June. The Month when things really start to heat up, flowers are in full bloom and we are outside all the time. The end of June also means that the year is half way over. WHAT! Time sure seems to fly faster and faster these days. This month has brought tons of play in the mud, in the water, in the dirt. The pictures pretty much speak for themselves.

Some notes about life this month:

-          Lailah has been going through a...well, a pain in the ass stage. Let’s just lay it out there. She has no desire to do anything that you want her to do and is hell bent on doing what she wants to do. Kids got tenacity.

-          Lailah gave me a week or two of being asleep by 8 and sleeping throughout the night. And I thought we had a good thing going, but we are back to not sleeping through the night and sticking the middle finger up to bedtime, which means an average of 4-5 sometimes 6 hours of sleep for me if I am lucky, which is just. not. enough.

-          I get a lot of “You’re not my Mom” and “Go Away” and “I don’t like you” thrown at me these days (usually around bedtime). Makes me think I am failing as a parent. Where in the hell does she come up with this crap…first off, let me tell you little one. I most definitely AM your mom, I went through hell to have you, and I got one gnarly scar to show for your coming into this world, I would very much like to go away sometimes, so unless you are REALLY serious, don’t tempt me, and quite frankly when you are acting this way I don’t like you too much either. BUT, I will always love you.

So much of my time the past month or so has had me focused on - what am I doing as a parent to make her act this way? What am I not giving her that she needs? What more can I do? Whoever thought having a child was a good idea? (you can laugh at that) But the truth of the matter is, I do everything I need to do. I do everything I can do. I don’t spend much of my time when I am with her behind any electronic device, I get down to her level, and I make believe, incorporate art and science and all those fun things at every given chance. I talk to her and not just at her. I make eye contact and make sure she knows that I love her more than I have ever loved any other thing. And still, there are those moments. Those really shitty moments.

But in all the thinking that has taken place, and even in those really shitty moments, I would not trade being Mom to this beautiful child for the world. I look forward to seeing what she becomes with that strong willed personality, and that tenacity, and the fire she has.

Dear Lailah, I hope when you grow up, you are as proud of me being your Mom as I am of you being my daughter.